Do Not Let Your Friends Make You Feel Like A Second Class Citizen
People we meet and have to see on a regular basis can have a negative affect on your life and self-confidence, but only if you let them. Around two years ago I was speaking with a long term client of mine (Ian) who was having similar problems of his own. He had been very successful in business and had reached the level of director in the company where he worked, he had previously owned a cat insurance company. We were discussing this very subject and he admitted that he had an over-aggressive boss who I think was the chairman of the company. I can not remember the chairmans name, however for the purpose of this article I will call him John.
This was the situation Ian described to me. John would e-mail him in the morning with a question asking why the north-west of the country had not been as profitable in the last quarter compared to its usual levels. He would ask Ian to meet him in the afternoon to discuss his findings. Ian then seeked the help of his lower managers prior to writing his report and going to the meeting.
Ian was a person who had a slight speech impediment, known as stuttering. It was not the most severe of speech impediments and at times he could actually talk as fluently as the next man. Ian said that it would rear its ugly when he was under pressure or when he was over tired. He had tried on many occassions to find a way of how to stop stuttering but had never quite managed to do so. Ian also had words he thought of as difficult and would often avoid these type of words. He was very careful when writing his report only to include words he felt confident he would be able to say.
In the afternoon who would go and meet John and present his report to him. He stated that he would have no problem with his speech at this stage and that the presentation would be delivered smoothly and fluently.
On hearing the report, John would not make any comment and would instead basically just stare at Ian, slowly nodding his head up and down at the same time. Ian described this as making him feel very uncomfortable and was just praying for the silence to end and for his chairman to say something. Instead of now contributing to the discussion the chairman would just sit their quietly whilst staring at Ian. This would leave Ian feeling rather uncomfortable and to ease this discomfort he would continue to talk but only speaking what can only be described as rubbish. These words were also not spoken fluently but with Ian struggling and stuttering.
I had a little think about what Ian had told me and felt angry at John.
I eventually came up with a suggestion. My advice was along the lines of ending his presentation with a question such as: these are the reasons that I personally think are causing the problems however I would very much value your opinion – what do you think are the reasons.
He can then nod and stare for as long as he likes, it is his turn to talk next and Ian can sit there comfortably and just be patient.
John has now changed career and is currently working in the poster printing industry. He has told me that he has no such problems with the people that he is now working with.
