Does Couple Counseling Save Marriages?
Many couples go into couple counseling with the mindset that it is a guaranteed cure for all their problems. They invest all their hope for the relationship with an objective third party who is supposed to somehow turn things around for them one hour a week. Yet, many of them will continue on to a divorce. The good news is others will get exactly what they are seeking.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
Even the most severe of issues has been successfully worked through in a therapy session, so it is not true that the difference is only in the severity of the problems. This is most people's assumption but it's wrong.
The difference is that couples who make it work figure out that it isn't all about just talking out the problems. If you want to increase your chances of making your sessions really work, then consider 3 ways that seeing a therapist can really make a difference.
The first step starts with your own listening skills. It is very easy to go into a session ready to fight for your own perspectives. You get defensive and start thinking about what to say in return rather than just listening closely to what your spouse has to say. Relax and just listen.
From your attitude it goes to your words. Speak honestly and tell your spouse your point of view, no matter what they may think or feel about it. Nothing can be worked out if the real issues are not brought to light, and no one can do that but you.
Finally, forget all the topics that you normally fight about, such as her lack of housekeeping skills or whatever. Those are just cover ups for the real issues tearing you apart, The real issues will be deeper in your emotions, so get real and stop pointing fingers and blaming one another.
If you can do those things and go into each session with the right attitude than chances are high your spouse will follow suit and the real issues can be discovered. Then, you have to really do something about those issues outside of the sessions.
For couple counseling to work in your favor you have to stop worrying about being right and protecting yourself and be vulnerable to the issues that are really hurting you. That is the only way.
I think you'll find this interesting:
Couple Counselling or the magic of making up or Online Marriage Counselling
