Exploring The Options For Marriage Counseling Books

Problems With Significant Other? Broken Heart? Save Your Relationship Now - Even If You Think It is Too Late!

It's pretty clear, if you drive a car, that to keep it running you have to change the oil periodically. Although this seems clear to everyone, apparently it's much less clear to people that you need to periodically "change the oil" on your marriage – in other words, marriage requires maintenance. One convenient and effective way to help maintain (and improve) your marriage is to consult marriage counseling books. Something so valuable as a marriage is worth the time and money that it takes to buy and read the book. This little investment can prevent a nasty and painful divorce.

There must be hundreds of marriage counseling books out there, and new ones are coming out all the time. But you don't always have to go with the latest fad. In fact, it may be better to use a book that's been around a while. It's not as if the problems that couples face are new. In fact, we face the same issues our great-grandparents face: affection, control, money, kids, and so on.

One classic book that I like is "His Needs, Her Needs". It was written by Willard F. Harley, Jr, a practicing psychologist. He focuses on the fact that husband and wife have differing needs. These needs are so different that it's often the case that the husband doesn't even realize that he is not meeting his wife's needs, and vice versa. According to Dr. Harley, men's greatest need is usually sex, which should come as no surprise. For women he ranks affection first, which is something many men find it hard to deliver. In summary, Dr. Harley's encourages the husband and wife to make loving accommodations for each other's differing needs, even if it requires some self-sacrifice.

Another good book is "Getting the Love You Want," by Harville Hendrix, who is a practicing therapist. Dr. Hendrix himself is divorced, so he is personally acquainted with the pain of a failed marriage. His empathy and understanding shows in his writing. Dr. Hendrix takes the approach that we are attracted to our mates for unconscious reasons that we really don't understand. He summarizes these motivations in two statements. First, we are attracted to people who have both the positive and negative traits of those who raised us. Second, we are attracted to people who compensate for things we were deprived of in childhood. In other words, we often enter into a marriage expecting our spouse to be a kind of "second-chance parent" who will make up for all the mistakes of the first.

This idea that our spouse is a kind of surrogate parent seems a little fishy to me. However, Dr. Hendrix does make an interesting case, using a number of case histories from his own experience. One of these cases involves John, a self-described "dull businessman" who falls hard for Cheryl, who if anything is too emotional. This very same characteristic that at first attracts him, very soon becomes too much for him to handle.

Whichever book you choose, I urge you not to avoid or put off consulting marriage counseling books. There is no relationship more precious than marriage, and it's impossible to invest too much care into making it great.

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