Get Back, And Get Back At, Your Ex
Break-ups do happen – this is a fact of life. This is good sometimes. A lot of work goes into a relationship, hopefully by both partners, but there are always times when one or both feel taken for granted, or loved less.
When a break up does happen there is a natural tendency to want to get back together, on the part of at least one of the former partners. Question number one is whether it is even worth saving the relationship. We will assume in this instance that it is a good idea, and strategies to make it happen exist.
It is normal to have thoughts about getting back with your ex. A little bit of this is okay also, but don’t take it too far. You can pull both off simultaneously sometimes. Try these five strategies, and see where they take you.
Strength is good. Being a whining, needy person will interest no one. Or if the relationship was based on that codependency of a whimpering weakling and a soother, then run for your life as this was an unhealthy relationship to begin with and is not worth saving. If your ex thinks you are dealing well with the break up, this will make you seem more attractive and balanced.
You need time to clear your mind, and so does your ex. So a period with little or no communication is a very good idea. You can assume that however you are feeling about the circumstances is exactly how your ex is also feeling. And this is a good omen for getting back together. If both parties can begin to realize how special and valuable the other person was, there is a great foundation for reconciling. Your ex needs to come to that conclusion by themselves, just as you do. That is why a period with no communication is a good idea.
You have to be flexible. No deadlines and no ultimatums. Build up communication slowly. And remember, communication is not just you talking. You must be listening also. At a time like this, you need to make absolutely sure you are listening and hearing what your ex is saying. This doesn't mean what you thing they are talking about, or what you want them to say. This means what they are saying exactly. And this is not as easy as it sounds, particularly at times of high emotion.
You must be yourself. Do not try to be what you think your ex wants. Be you. Because, if your ex does not want you back for you, then it will not work. You must be yourself, and allow your ex to be themselves as well. Make sure you want to get back with your real ex, not the person you want them to be.
Hang out with friends. This is no time to be alone, lamenting the past. So go out and enjoy yourself. You don't have to date, or try to start up another relationship. Statistics say that rebound relationships are not likely to succeed in any event. It is good therapy, and if you seem to be dealing well with the break up, and are able to lead a normal healthy social life with your friends, it only makes you more appealing to your ex anyway.
The author operates a Save Your Relationship site, you can read more about Getting Your Ex Back
