Healing Infidelity's Pain – 5 Steps
There are not many things you'll experience in life as painful as your partner cheating on you. There are ways to deal with the pain of infidelity if you choose to forgive it. Right now, the pain you're feeling is probably overwhelming. Believe it or not, there advantages to forgiving someone who's cheated on you, even though forgiveness might not seem to make much sense right now. The main reason for doing this must be that you're doing it for your own happiness. Forgiving and healing is good not only for the cheater, but for you as well. Don't misunderstand – forgiving infidelity is something you can do only once in a relationship. If this is a pattern, or if he repeats his bad behavior, you've got to toss him to the curb. If he seems remorseful and seeks your forgiveness, and wants to rebuild the relationship, then try the following steps:
Healing Infidelity Tip #1
The first step is this: sit down and have an honest talk with him about his infidelity. No matter hard it is for you, it's going to be hard on him as well, because he's going to have to explain why he couldn't be faithful. He'll be admitting that he's weak. But it's a critical conversation to have if you're to find out why he cheated. Perhaps he thought that your feelings for him had cooled down, or maybe he just had a crisis of self-confidence. When he gives his account of his actions, don't be judgmental and accusing. If he's sincere, he feels bad enough now, and you probably can't say anything to him he hasn't said himself. You'll be able to judge the depth of his sincerity and remorse during this conversation, which is the other reason you can't skip it.
Healing Infidelity Tip #2
The second step is to let it all out. Right now, you probably feel all sorts of emotions bottled up inside you. Express your emotions, let them out, but don't harm yourself in the process. Drugs and alcohol, fir example, are self-destructive approaches to handling emotional crises, and should be avoided. There are all sorts of ways to express those emotions, though, without risking your physical or mental health in the process. An excellent outlet is to write in a journal. Another approach is to adopt a regular workout routine. The point is, though, that you've got to do something to get those emotions out of you – you've got to purge them. Never underestimate the positive value of a good cry, either. You cannot move on – you cannot restore the relationship – if you haven't healed yourself.
Healing Infidelity Tip #3
The third step is making the actual choice to forgive him for betraying you. If you haven't forgiven him yet – even though you already decided you want to – it's time to take action one way or the other. You should be a little more confident now in his sincerity – take the big step and forgive him, let the past stay in the past. Your love for him will give you the strength to forgive him.
Healing Infidelity Tip #4
The fourth step is to make an appointment with a counselor or other mental health professional. Your relationship needs some professional help, and that means each of you should talk with a counselor. There's one alternative – talk to a mutual friend, someone you both trust, who's had personal experience in this sort of thing. As with all things worth having, this will take some work. One crucial point is to listen to what he has to say and don't accuse. You've already been all through the recriminations and accusations – now's the time to listen to each other. Really. The relationship won't be saved by either of you, or both of you, working alone. It can only be restored if you work together.
Healing Infidelity Tip #5
The fifth and final step is to acknowledge that what's done is done. Put it behind you and move on. The kind of pain caused by infidelity can be massive. It takes time to heal with both of you working on it. Betrayal's pain doesn't get healed overnight, so don't expect that. It's generally take you longer to heal, since you were the one who was hurt. If you can let go of the past, though, the healing will come more quickly.
For the sake of your relationship, I certainly hope that the steps I've outlined here can help you heal the pain of infidelity. As they say, sometimes bad things happen to good people. When we encounter such bad situations, what's most important is how we lean and grow from them.
If you found these tips helpful also check out: how to forgive an affair and healing infidelity.
