How Can A Wife Become The Victim Of Her Husband's Passive Aggression?
How Many Ways Can Your Passive Aggressive Husband Show His Need For You?
A most frustrating aspect in living with a passive aggressive man is that he doesn't follow through on his agreements and promises. Why is he promising to tackle big projects if he will abandon them later and prevent others from finishing them?. He is constantly ignoring what he needs to do, and frustrates his wife.
Does He Ever See Her Frustration?
Not any longer. What can she do when he rejects whatever she presents, in order to only have his own ideas to consider?. This theatrical behavior is mindblowin? What for is he dedicated to confuse the wife? to frustrate her needs and expectations??
We all have human needs; basically here we look at both people’s needs for love and connection…At the least, you need to engage in some kind of relationship with others. He has this contradictory attitude, searching for love and showing hostility to people near him at the same time.
As he developed a toxic image of what a relationship is, he is now trying to duplicate the kind of relationship he learned being a child, this time with another grown up, with himself playing the controlling role. He selects a passive woman who can listen to his angry words…
He needs a good, intelligent adversary to provide him with expectations and demands he will then resist and warp, as he plays the interpersonal routine he learned with his first family.
She Needs To Feel Needed!
She grew up in a home where she was relegated and not appreciated…always in a little corner. When she wanted to be seen, someone stole the focus off her. Her dream is to make his resistance to connection disappear when he receives all the love she can give.
Sending two contradictory messages of attraction and rejection is the mark of this relationship. When she receives little bones of appreciation, she tends to confirm again that he is a prisoner of his shield but able and willing to come out and play with her She will not be easily disappointed by his coldness, and will continue sending him her love and attention
Even when he sets up experiences to get her to reject or deprive him, (so then he can blame her for his dissatisfaction), she prefers to play along. To stop her fear of being alone, she needs to accept and love herself. She will wait for him regardless the situation. The sad truth is that he can’t accept or enjoy any of the intimacy she brings.
Accepting this fact can take her from feeling lonely and depressed in this marriage, to angry at him. As long as he feels insecure and withdraws, she feels more angry. He doesn't know how to answer to her anger, so he goes silent and withdraws and all gets worse. This pattern is formed y connection followed by withdrawal.
Why Is This Seesaw Between Anger And Depression Functional To Her?
Why would she be any longer with someone who frustrates her??
Is she inviting people to entice and reject her, as it happened to her in her past?
Frustration of emotional needs is what she understands, so she provokes her husband to frustrate her emotional needs?
In repetitive scenes from this script, you can see her self-esteem reduced to zero as her frustration and anger turn to rage when she feels again unable to attract a direct commitment from a loving man. She can break the linkage between her past story and her present abusive relationships. To be more appreciated by him, she needs to strengthen her self-esteem.
Nora Femenia, Ph.D. is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. She has written postings about happy, healthy marriages and how to enhance marital happiness. Her innovative and compassionate conflict solutions are offered as ebooks, articles and life-changing coaching sessions, from her blog: http://www.creativeconflicts.com
