How To Deal With Conflict Arising From Family Relationships
All of us had parents. And if we are lucky enough, those parents will still be alive when we get to the stage where we start with a family ourselves one day. Should your parents be living with you while you are trying to raise a family, it could unfortunately also be the source of conflict and unhappiness.
First think of the advantages of having your parents live with you. The children will always have someone with them during the day. The house will not be empty and act as a magnet drawing burglars. There will be someone to water the garden on a hot summers day and grandma could possibly even prepare food for the whole family so you don't have to cook when coming home from a long day at the office.
Many of the problems arise because the grandparents might interfere with the way their children raise the grandchildren. Or simply because you feel that you have no privacy any more. That is why it's a good idea to make a sound investment in this regard: build a separate flatlet for your parents where they can go on with their own lives to a large extent.
Make sure it has its own kitchen, so your mother can still cook for her and your father. Equip it with everything she needs, including an oven. A good quality Delonghi oven will last for many years and is unlikely to ever need much maintenance.
Also make sure that the flat is easily accessible. When you are young and healthy, you tend to forget that your father suffers from leg arthritis and find it difficult to climb stairs, for example. A ramp for wheelchair access is a good idea, even though they might both still be healthy at the moment.
Allow your parents sufficient time to spend with their grandchildren. You will simply have to make concessions here: It's horrible for old people if they are cut off from their grandchildren. Take the baby bath to your parent's place now and again and allow grandma to help out a little with bathing the baby – it is sure to take her back to the years when you were a baby and make her feel useful again.
Sometimes your parents will want to go with when you take a drive and you want to be alone with your partner and the children. Refusing to take them along on such an occasion will do harm to your relationship and make them feel unwanted. A solution is to have regular family days where both grandpa and grandma go along to spend quality time with their children and grandchildren.
The way you handle the presence of your parents in your life when they are old, will set an example to your own kids. Don't create a monster that will one day when you grow old come back and bight you. If you don't treat your parents with respect, you can hardly expect your children to do so one day…
