How To Save A Marriage In Treatment
Is It Possible To Save A Marriage By Talking To A Counselor?
Where do most couples wind up when their marriage starts to fall apart? For the most part it's couples therapy or counseling of some nature, right? When neither individual wants to let go but they don't know how to fix their issues, then they turn to an objective third party to show them the way. The question is whether counseling can really save a marriage.
Prior to you go into a counseling session with your spouse, both of you need to understand that it's not the definite cure to all of your problems. You can't hire someone else to do the dirty work and make points all better, no matter how skilled they might be.
Individuals that get into their sessions expecting the therapist or counselor to validate their own thoughts and feelings and fix the difficulties which they see in their mate are the ones that come out disappointed. What a therapist really provides is objectivity, not validation. The mindset has to be different if this approach is heading to work for the couple.
This isn't what a therapist is there to complete. They are not heading to take sides, mainly simply because there's no one individual who is right in a marriage. Problems are a collective mess and both people have some points they are performing wrong and some points they're doing completely right.
What a therapist does is get you to ultimately open up to one an additional to ensure that the root issues standing within the way of happiness could be discovered. Believe it or not, the actual issues aren't who forgets to take out the trash or who forgot someone's birthday.
There are deeper issues driving those petty arguments, and until those are fixed you will continue to fight over every little point.
In order to get towards the bigger difficulties you have to get into counseling without the idea that someone is right and the other wrong. You have to become willing to just listen to your spouse without assuming what their words mean for you personally.
For example, rather than obtaining defensive that she says she feels lonely and screaming that you have to work so it is not your fault; just listen. Do not translate it to mean anything about you. She is lonely. That is all.
In order to save a marriage with the help of treatment, this husband would have to be willing to quietly listen to his wife talk about the loneliness without automatically assuming it is directed as an assault on him. He needs to listen selflessly for it to work.
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Filed under Avoid Divorce, Marriage Issues, Relationship Problems, marriage problems by on Jun 3rd, 2010.