Living with a Passive Aggressive Partner
Are you wondering why you are living a miserable life and not the life that you dreamed of?
If the answer for this is pointing towards your partner's behavior, then you need to have a clear view of what you want from your relationship.
In this article, you would begin to think of ways you can defend yourself from passive aggression. If you want to defend yourself from being angry or guilty, you must find out what causes your partner's behavior.
Dealing with your partner's passive aggressive behavior is very frustrating. It can lead to many serious problems if you do not do something about it as soon as possible. If you tolerate this behavior, it could create a pattern where you and your partner avoid problems rather than deal with them.
You can combat this kind of behavior by recognizing it. It will always be YOU who will suffer everything. You should put a STOP to that relationship wrecker behavior!
If your partner complains about anything and everything, does not keep promises, blames you for their own problems and avoids confrontation, then your partner could be a potential wrecker in your loving relationship.
At first glance, your partner may appear quite friendly but at some point, you will be challenged negatively by your partner's inconsistent behavioral pattern. Your partner with this kind of behavior can be inconsistent and ambiguous. He often expects you to read his mind and meet all his needs. If your partner finds out that he is incapable to live up his responsibilities, he would try to treat you silently, he will use this as a tool as an escape. He puts blame on you if anything does not go his way. In the end, you will be the one to face his problems, making you feel frustrated, confused, offended, and depressed.
Now, you will wonder HOW to deal with this behavior.
You must keep in mind that this is NOT your fault. If your partner cannot deal with his own issues in life, it has nothing to do with you. If you think fixing it for him would make things better, then you are doing a wrong move. You would be wasting your time feeling guilty over something and this will not solve the problem easily. You cannot get your needs met and you become a martyr-victim who will suffer emotionally, and that will lead you to your own destruction. Do not make yourself miserable!
You have to make a deal with your partner. You have to play a game- be direct about how you feel by bringing up the problems that you've observed, and explain how you would like your partner to respond to this. Communication is important becuase this will help the both of you to understand your concerns. Communication is the key to help you both grow as a couple. To help you understand eachother deeply, you must be able to talk about your fears openly.
Fair fighting can work in your situation. Try to figure out his patterns and confront him with this destructive tendencies. In the end, it will still be YOU who gets affected if you protect your partner. constantly remind him of the consequences if he allows himself to be eaten by his personal demons. Let him make solid decisions for himself and that he has to stick to it.
If there is an attempt to control you through anger, like sarcasm or irritability, you must make him realize that his anger is a result of his fears. Find out the reasons of his anger. Silent treatment will never be a good way to solve problems bcause it is going to cause further distance to the both of you.
Remember: If a relationship which do not allow straight talk, cooperation and expression, it can become destructive. When things go off the track, then it is time for you to find help from someone who understands this behavior. If things get worse, then it is time for you to look around and consider some options. Move on with your life.
To your happiness,
Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
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