No One Profits Because Cheaters Never Prosper
It is the ultimate betrayal. So common that no gets very excited about it anymore. As long as all the affairs happen to someone else it is not really your problem, right? Will you care if it happens in your relationship?
Cheaters leave a trail of evidence. The may tell you the alvarez acoustic guitar was a gift you picked up for your bosses son and he reimbursed you with cash. The digital sport watch she purchased online was for a coworkers birthday party and everyone is contributing. There are new cosmetics in the bathroom along with a selection of bath and body products you have never seen before.
You may notice that your combined cell phone usage is rising and your bill may note several text messages. When you check her phone there is no record because she erased the messages. There may be a sudden increase in overtime required at work. When you ask about the Nintendo bundle and other items appearing on your charge card there is a ready explanation.
Or could it be that they are buying gifts for their sex buddy. Sharing your concerns will only produce denials. The cheating spouse will often make fun of your fears or act like you are being horrible for even considering that there is another man. They will lie and enlist friends to validate their alibis.
What happens after she admits the affair or is caught? First of all she will normally never cop to the cheating unless his spouse or someone is about to reveal it to the world. Knowing for a fact that she has betrayed if really going to hurt. You will want to know if she bared her body or did she bare her soul to her lover.
Neither answer is good or easy to hear. To stay together will require massive effort. She will have to agree to never see this person again. No contact, no goodbyes, and no more job if they worked together. She should write a letter explaining that she has hurt you and stipulating that they will not be having further contact.
She will have a period of weeks or months that the urge to contact her lover will be overwhelming. You will have to insist that she acknowledge your shattered trust. She will have to understand that she will have to be far more accountable to her spouse. This will mean checking in and being checked on.
The painful images may take years to go away. It will be difficult to know that while you took care of the kids and the house she was taking care of another man in graphic physical ways. It will take a trained professional and lots of time to see if your relationship will survive. It may be worth it to repair and heal these wounds especially if you have a family together.
