Relationship Advice For A Long and Blessed Partnership
Negotiating as a Couple]
Good communication resolve~is important but it is only half the battle when it comes to solving~is only half of the solution to~can only ever be half of the solution to} getting help with your relationship advice. Just as significant is the ability to negotiate, and this is the technique that seems to be getting the best outcomes in research work on couple therapy. It will be an advantage if you are also communicating well when you do it, and the skills of good communication and effective negotiating are interchangeable. Remember to be specific and keep to the point, avoid ending a negotiation on a negative point, remember to stay reasonable, don't mind-read and don't place blame. There are some extra elements to remember when negotiating with your partner.
Turning an argument into a negotiation
You should always remember that the most important rule of effective negotiation is to work towards the future of your relationship rather than dwelling on the past. Complaints are often centered around events that have happened in the past, and it will be constructive to change them into positive requests or hopes for the future. For example, if any person were to say to her husband 'I don't like it when you come home late from work', this might instead be changed to this 'I would like you to return home earlier after work.' The second is much more positive and is a great deal more likely to produce a positive response. All relationship issues can be re-worded in this way, turning the negative into the positive. Making a complaint can often lead to an argument. This strategy minimizes this possibility.
Make the requests more specific
The next skill that is necessary in trying to negotiate is to make the request more specific. For example, if you were to ask your partner to be more positive towards you, it would probably be seen as being vague. It is not clear exactly how you would like to be treated more positively. You would have to be much more specific. As an example, you might say 'I'd be much happier if you would make an effort to include me when we are in George's company', this statement is much clearer and more specific, making it easier for you partner to understand your needs.
What you ask might be a lot more simple. You may simply wish your partner to help out a little with the housework. Again this can be viewed as being too vague. It might be beneficial if you make your request more specific by saying 'I would like you to wash the dishes.' The more clearly expressed your request is, the easier it is for your partner to understand and to carry out the requested task. This also makes it much easier to know whether it has been carried out when the time comes to evaluate how your partner has responded to your requests.
Placing your emphasis on the future
If you are certaining about wanting to know how to save a bad relationship, you need to look to the future. These examples clearly demonstrate the concept of positive negotiating. These examples of requests are positively worded and 'future oriented'. They would therefore make for a positive and successful negotiation. A poor example of negotiation might be to say 'I wish you could have been more supportive at dinner last week.' Whilst this is quite specific it is in the form of a complaint, not a request. Your partner can do nothing to fix the problem, because it has already happened. Your partner will know not to make the same mistake twice but cannot undo what he or she has already done.
Likewise the question about doing some housework is not easy to relate to if you word it like this 'You just don't me with the housework anymore.' Worded in this way the comment is in the form of a complaint. If it were worded as a call for some support chances are it would be taken in a more positive manner. Asking for your better half to address their behavior in the future will be taken a great deal more seriously.
