Stop the Blame Game and Start Saving your Marriage
If you are serious about saving your marriage or relationship or are working together to stop your divorce, then a very important first step is to stop playing the blame game. Of all the advice on relationships I offer to my clients, this is without doubt the single most important piece.
So what is the blame game? Easy, putting the blame for everything that is wrong in your marriage or relationship at the feet of your partner. Without taking this one simple step, and aknowledging responsibility for your own feelings, rather than blaming, it is unlikely that things will improve.
All you are acheiving by blaming your partner for your problems, is creating more conflict and anger, rather than allowing communication and resolution of your issues.
This is an example of what I am talking about. "You never want to do anything together anymore" is an attack and an accusatory statement and chances are your spouse will respond defensivelly. The natural response if someone sticks a finger in your face is to get annoyed or angry! What if you were to say " I am feeling lonely and isolated" isnt this sayiing the same thing but in a very different way?
The difference is that you are taking responsibility rather than laying the blame, and this makes a world of difference in the likely response you will get. Because your partner is not feeling attacked and accused they will actually listen to what you are saying and not feel the need to respond defensively.
Using "I" statements can be an incredibly valuable tool for couples to reopen channels of communication in a positive way. It enables couples to clearly outline their problems in a way that will get them heard by the other person.
If you use the power of "I" statements to let your spouse know what you need from your relationship, you will be very suprised by the results. By using this technique, saving my marriage becomes less of a battlefield.
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