The 21st Century Divorce
Separation does not mean that your world's coming to an end. Sure, sometimes it feels as if everything you worked for is gone and that the beliefs you held sacred have failed you. You might challenge your belief in God, deny your faith in true love, shake your fist fate. But even though the emotional upheaval is huge, as the old saying goes, "you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs."
One world may end with a divorce. When one goes through a divorce there are numerous things which change. For women it's a name change and for both parties custody of children and pets, division of property and mutually purchased items as well as obtaining separate residences. Every time you need to make a choice it might seem like the end of the world. Ponder for a bit about the long and painful work required of you and your mother to bring you into the world. And in the end you become two separate beings instead of one. Ending a marriage is almost the same: it could be long, hurting,agonizing, and snatch the efforts from you and your partner as well. And in the end, you are two separate beings instead of one.
For people whose marriages are far from what they hoped, divorce brings the opportunity to regroup, learn from previous mistakes, and assimilate new information. Even though the measures you are adopting presently to become a single person are not easy and often hurting, continue walking.
On the other side of this adventure is a new you, with new hopes, a more realistic and experienced viewpoint and a better grasp of self and the world. Scary is it ? Without any doubt, it is. But as M. Scott Peck, the groundbreaking interpersonal psychologist says, "Going into the unknown is invariably frightening, but you learn what is significantly new only through adventure." Since life is an adventure you have to go through some trial and error in the process. Consider this break up a test you must pass in your own persona Hero's journey.
Now what about the proverbial baggage? Common perceptions of divorces include such images as people stuck in cyclic patterns who continuously replay the same hurtful scenarios over and over again, or people who take their hurt and anger from a previous partner out on their current partner. Certainly there is a grain of truth in these stereotypes.
But why wouldn't there be a grain of truth? Now that you have gone through these times, you will have tools and new approaches to relationships. Every bump along the road and painful situation can be a tool for avoiding future negative situations.
But be careful of overusing this new knowledge! The key to keeping yourself from becoming the epitome of the baggage stereotype is to use objectivity and cognitive compassion with the new insight. The difficult times you associate with divorce will be useful when you enter a new relationship. Be on your guard as it can be false.
A benefit from going through a separation or divorce will be the ability to judge circumstances more accurately. The concept that sadness and separation does't automatically equal an end. Finish this book in your life, and then move on to the new one. As the poet Anais Nin said, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Good luck in your blossoming.
If you'd like more information, you can learn more about my experience as an experienced divorce attorney in Austin Texas. You may also want to ask for our Austin Divorce Guide CD at TruslerLegal.com. If you haven't found what you're looking for, you can review our FAQ's about divorce in Austin Texas.
