The Relationship, The Affair, And The Survival
Some people are sure that if their partner had an affair they would leave in a heart beat. Others aren't so sure. Not everything can be black and white for everyone. The toll that an affair takes on a relationship is pretty extreme. It can be almost impossible to sort through all of the feelings you have and make a firm decision about how you're going to respond.
You've seen her several times. She's that one that does all of that excessive flirting. She doesn't care about gender or age, she just flirts with everyone. Her office fashion jewelry is as beautiful as she is, and her body is that of someone with several hours in her day to work out.
Depression is easy to slip into when you find out your partner is having an affair. An extreme depression can mean that you simply stop trying to attract positive attention from your cheating partner. Things like doing your hair, taking the time to apply make up, winter time dry skin care, facial care, and even keeping up with the laundry can be overwhelming. It can seem like putting any effort forward can be considered a huge waste of time.
Of course the kids are confused. They seem to be down to one parent. The baby has no bond with his second parent. You take care of the kids, from bath time to bed time to everything in between. With the double electric breast pump sitting off to the side, you're reminded that you had intended on sharing as much of the nursing experience as possible with your partner. But that is no more.
It can feel as though deciding exactly what to do can be a constant struggle. You might be thinking about leaving. You might be getting desperate to bring your partner's attention back to you. What would happen if you forced them to make a choice? Or are you fearful of what choice might be made?
There can be a strong sense that someone took your feeling of control away from you. If you and your partner set rules in the beginning that basically stated that cheating would end the relationship, the act itself could force your hand. Reclaiming your right to make a decision based on what you actually want might mean breaking the earlier agreed upon consequences.
It's your decision. Your choices from here will most likely shape the rest of your life. It can be very difficult to maintain any real decision without gathering all of the facts. Yet the one thing that can keep you empowered is finding the resources to walk away. Knowing that choosing to stay or choosing to go is actually a choice can give you more strength than you know.
