The Relationship, The Affair, And The Survival
Some people are sure that if their partner had an affair they would leave in a heart beat. Others aren't so sure. Not everything can be black and white for everyone. The toll that an affair takes on a relationship is pretty extreme. It can be almost impossible to sort through all of the feelings you have and make a firm decision about how you're going to respond.
It's terrible when you know exactly who it is and yet feel so powerless to do anything about it. She's that woman that has a Master's degree in flirting with everyone, their gender and age irrelevant. She wears that stunning office fashion jewelry and she has a body to die for. She has cast her spell and your partner has fallen for it.
The demoralizing affair takes it toll on you. Simple things like getting a hair cut, dressing for attention, applying make up, or even dry skin care and facial care routines start to feel ridiculous since you know you aren't being noticed. Do you stop and let yourself fall apart? Taking care of yourself can seem very difficult when the depression of a failing relationship hits home.
The kids are missing out. They used to have two parents, and now it seems that they only have one. You notice that the double electric breast pump you bought to share the joys of 2 am feedings sits on the shelf. There's no need to touch it. You're distressed and the kids are distressed. It might seem reasonable to give your partner another chance based on what you think the kids might need.
It can feel as though deciding exactly what to do can be a constant struggle. You might be thinking about leaving. You might be getting desperate to bring your partner's attention back to you. What would happen if you forced them to make a choice? Or are you fearful of what choice might be made?
There can be a strong sense that someone took your feeling of control away from you. If you and your partner set rules in the beginning that basically stated that cheating would end the relationship, the act itself could force your hand. Reclaiming your right to make a decision based on what you actually want might mean breaking the earlier agreed upon consequences.
Only you can ultimately decide what you're comfortable with. Sometimes the financial security of staying together is strong enough to overlook an affair. Sometimes you need to set limits and boundaries so that you feel healthy. Choosing your next step is not easy, but it is one that you can take with confidence. It is your choice, and that is one thing that an affair can't take away from you.
