Understanding the Grieving Process When a Relationship Ends
When a relationship ends we feel a sense of loss and grieving. It's not unusual to experience a whole range of emotions which makes it difficult to move on.
If you are struggling to cope when a relationship ends it is likely because you are stuck in one of the stages of grief and finding it difficult to overcome your emotions. Having a good understanding of the five stages of grief can help you recognize and deal with the emotions you experience after a break up.
Psychologist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross originally identified the five stages of grief during her studies with terminally ill patients. The original use of the five stages of grief was to understand how people dealt with death; however the principles can apply to major life changes including relationships ending.
To learn how to cope when a relationship ends you must first recognize the emotions you are experiencing.
1. Denial. After your relationship comes to an end you will likely experience a period of denial. This is the stage where even though you know that the relationship has ended you can not accept it emotionally. You might try to carry on your life as if nothing has happened. You may convince yourself that there has just been a minor hiccup and you hope that your ex calls or returns and the issue will be resolved.
2. Anger. Many people are afraid of anger to the point where they will not admit to feeling the emotion. The anger stage of grieving can be dangerous, to you and those around you. During this stage you can become very irrational; everything becomes black and white, your side or your exes side. Often you may not even know who or what you are angry with; it could be anyone and everyone all at the same time, your ex, yourself, your parents, and your friends. It is important to find a way to act rather than react and channel your anger into a productive activity.
3. Bargaining. During this stage you try to make compromises with your ex to stop the relationship ending. A compromise might be arrived at, but often the bagain is one sided and if accepted the relationship seldom lasts.
4. Depression. This is an awful stage of grief where often you know you are experiencing feelings of depression but struggle to gather the energy to do anything about it. You feel convinced you will never be happy again, hopeless and overwhelmed. During this time it is not unusual to push away those who care about you and withdraw from the world. As hard as it is, you need to deal with the feelings of depression and actively work through the stage.
5. Acceptance. The final stage of grief is when you have accepted the situation. Getting there can be a long journey for some, but it does finally arrive. You will be able to live again and see your ex without feeling angry or depressed.
Not everyone experiences all the five stages of grief and many cycle back and too between the stages several times before being able to cope when a relationship ends.
