Why Men Never Get Rid Of Stuff
What is it about men and the stuff they never get rid of? Truly, if the only difference between men and boys is the cost of their toys perhaps a subset of that little saying should be that another difference between men and boys is the amount of stuff that men accumulate right from the time they were boys. Truly, the things they refuse to get rid of can boggle the mind.
One good example of this is to think about a man and an object he particularly treasures. Maybe it's a ski helmet that he used one time back when Gerald Ford was running things. He probably ended up hated skiing that day but that helmet is proof that he once skied, so expect to find it on his mantle well into his 80s. It's kind of a badge of honor, in truth.
This helmet will probably be found by archaeologists 4 million years from now, petrified and yet still sitting in what was once the corner of a room. No man in his right mind wants to get rid of a helmet they used only once, correct? Perhaps this is because it's a tie to a past that's long gone and at least eight waist inches ago, but who really knows? Certainly no man does.
Another good example is that old black sport watch that broke back during the first Clinton administration and was never repaired. Sure, there are probably more than a few memories attached to that watch but you'd think a man would either pay the money to get it fixed or just throw it out. Maybe the psychic vibes of all those good times emanate from it in the dark of night to comfort his dreams. Yes, that might be it.
At any rate, most women who are around men in some form or another understand that the opposite sex has an inordinate love of all things arcane, obscure and memorable (to them at least). Good luck trying to get a guy to let go of something like a pair of parachute pants that were last popular when the mid-80s turned into the late 80s. Those pants aren't going anywhere, it would seem.
Maybe when he was a boy, and he went to his favorite baseball team's ball game and got one of those souvenir helmets with the little Oriole on the front of it, that it had some relevancy. After all, there was many a day that that the helmet graced his little noggin, though the little bird is long gone and there's a crack running alongside from when that little black helmet was hit with a baseball just a bit too hard during a sandlot game. Again, that helmet's not going anywhere, either.
This is why men tend to make the best museum curators and cultural historians. They look back at history and see nothing but an unbroken line of men, all collecting stuff. Even the pharaohs collected stuff to the ultimate degree and actually tried to take it all with them, including their living servants. Perhaps at some point in the future, an archaeologist will find a watch, a helmet and something to do with snow and scratch her head about what it all means, though any man would be able to explain it all.
